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I first met Sam while living in Chandigarh, India. He was the founder of the alternative learning space I worked for, a school that taught young children how to express
I like dating older guys. I first met Sam while living in Chandigarh, India.

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He was the founder of the alternative learning space I worked for, a school that taught young children how to express their emotions. I was impressed by a man so invested in emotional intelligence. He was 40. I was 24. There was an instant attraction between us. We talked about stargazing and constellations and shared an interest in permaculture. At first we’d meet at restaurants and go on outings around town with other friends, but soon there were long, late-night conversations that led to kissing on the edge of my bed. He paid for everything. My mother had always taught me that a good man would do exactly that, and even though the urban, progressive elite in me scoffed at that idea, in practice I acquiesced to it quite easily. He kissed my forehead and, for a moment, I felt a fatherly presence. One night, we went on a wild drive around town. After sneaking into a local circus to see the elephants, we ended up on the street outside a strip mall. From a nearby cart, Sam bought a thick wedge of paan , a rolled leaf with areca nut and tobacco that’s meant to be chewed and spit out for a momentary high. I was reluctant to try it, but Sam insisted, saying it was a necessary part of the cultural experience. After one bite, I was viciously nauseated. Sam rushed to get the car and carefully scooted me into the backseat. I had to open the door and vomit out the side of the car every few minutes on our way back to the home of the Indian family I stayed with. Sam carried me to my room, gently took off my shoes and socks, and tucked me into bed. My stomach churned and my body was weak, but I felt so cared for, so loved, that I resisted drifting off into a feverish sleep. He kissed my forehead and, for a moment, I felt a fatherly presence.













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